I knew my wife was on the edge when I came home from work and found my old Ford pickup turned into a bud vase.

My reaction was, "Maybe we should cancel your subscription to Martha Stuart’s Living." With a knife at my throat fashioned from a formerly discarded bird house, Vicki’s response was "Over your dead body, pond scum!" Obviously, this was not going to be easy.

In fifteen years of marriage, I’ve learned to recognize the difference between her "I’ll let you be the boss today" tone of voice and her "I know thirteen ways to kill a man with a melon-baller" tone of voice. Discretion being the better part of valor, this was the time to take stock and see what I was truly up against. So, I did some research on Martha Stewart and offer some little known facts for you guys -- the gals already know that:

1. Martha Stuart taught McGuiver everything he knows.
2. A company of Navy Seals surrendered to Martha Stuart during a survival exercise in 1989.
3. The Green Beret was Martha’s idea.

Should I remove Martha’s order line from our speed-dialer? Can UPS break the habit of making their daily deliveries at lunch time so they can all watch the noon TV edition of "Living" to see what next week’s deliveries will be? Could I get away with canceling the Martha Stuart shopping channel? Is it smart to mess with a woman that can forge a multi-million dollar organization out of a ball of twine and a pair of old socks? I decided no.

And like Vicki said, "It’s a good thing!"

Rob Wedding©1996